


When the Cracks Show

by aravenwood



Series: Nicky Has Anxiety [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Has Anxiety, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Protective Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Protective Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood
Summary: Following their escape from Merrick's lab, Joe comforts Nicky when he finally breaks.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Nicky Has Anxiety [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908736
Comments: 29
Kudos: 544





	When the Cracks Show

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is an idea I've had since watching Old Guard for the second time but struggled to actually write it. While I'm still not totally happy with it, this is a better attempt than my previous ones. 
> 
> TW for panic attacks and discussion of anxiety. Watch out for yourselves!
> 
> Enjoy!

Joe sees the cracks before anyone else. He sees the tremor in Nicky’s hands, the franticness with which he scrubs the blood from his own face and neck and from Joe’s hands. There’s a slight wild look, one that he hasn’t seen in Nicky’s eyes in several centuries. He feels sick looking at it, but doesn’t push because he knows that Nicky will talk when he’s ready.

But for once he doesn’t. After the initial display of nerves, he’s stronger than ever. He dashes around the safehouse, fetching clean clothes for Nile, cleaning and dressing Andy’s wound, making dinner and tea for all of them. He’s in his element in caring for everyone, rushing around so fast that Joe has no time to properly examine him. By the time dinner is finished and he and Nicky retreat for the evening, he’s almost forgotten the nerves Nicky showed in the car.

Almost. But as soon as their bedroom door closes and the two of them are alone, Nicky’s knees buckle and he slumps to the floor with one hand clutching his heart and the other braced against the wooden floor. A harsh sob bursts from his throat only to be muffled by the hand on his chest shooting up to cover his mouth. His shoulders shake with the force of his sobs, the arm holding his weight trembling so violently that Joe can’t take his eyes off it for a moment.

Another sob, so loud that even Nicky’s hand can barely muffle it, snaps Joe out of his shock. “Nicky!” Joe cries and hurries to his lover’s side, his own heart racing wildly as he watches Nicky break down. He pulls his lover against him, bracing him with a hand on his back and the other pressing Nicky’s face into his shoulder. “It’s alright, we’re safe. Everyone is safe, I promise,” he soothes, his lips brushing Nicky’s ear.

But rather than calming Nicky like he expects it to, he just seems to make everything worse. Nicky’s sobs turn to great gasps, his entire body heaving with the effort. He’s shuddering in Joe’s arms, crying and gasping and so overwhelmed that Joe feels helpless. Nicky is the strong one, the one who keeps his head when Joe can’t keep his own. He shouldn’t be the one to break – he’s never the one to break.

But now…he’s in more of a state than Joe has ever seen him and he’s edging closer and closer to hyperventilating, his gasps growing quick and shallow and his heart beating so fast that it vibrates through him to Joe’s own body. A panic attack, Joe thinks, and his own chest tightens. He reluctantly loosens his hold and pushes on Nicky’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length so that he can get a better look. Nicky’s face is red and tear-stained, his eyes squeezed tight shut and his mouth hanging half-open as he fights for air.

“Nicky,” Joe calls, and tilts Nicky’s head up with one finger. “Amore mio, look at me. Look at me, Nicky.”

It takes a moment for Nicky’s eyes to meet his, and when they do he’s taken aback by the genuine fear he sees within.

“Joe,” Nicky splutters between gasps, his voice weak and half-choked. His fingers find purchase on Joe’s shirt and cling to him as if he expects Joe to leave him. A sinking feeling grows in Joe’s stomach as he realises that there’s a good chance that’s exactly what Nicky is afraid of – the few times they were separated in Merrick’s lab, Nicky’s face upon his return was stricken with panic which took too long to disappear.

Had he had panic attacks like this when Joe was taken from Joe in the lab? Joe’s hands begin to shake as he realises that they probably did.

“Hush, Nicolo. Just breathe for me. Deep breaths, can you do that?” he says softly, and takes in a deep breath of his own. He lowers his gaze to Nicky’s chest, watching for the slow expansion and depression of his ribs. But Nicky’s stomach still heaves jerkily in and out and he’s shivering, lost in his panic.

“Nicky. Please. Try to breathe deeply,” Joe tries again, his voice cracking as fear and concern threatens to overtake him. He takes one of Nicky’s hands in his own and presses it against his chest, and forces himself to take a long, deep breath. “Copy me, amore mio. In…and out…in…and out. Please, Nicolo. Please just try.”

The panic in his voice must reach Nicky because his eyes harden for a moment before he closes them, and he forces himself to slow his breathing. It takes longer than Joe would like, with several false starts as panic threatens to consume Nicky once more, but eventually he calms enough that his tremors fade to nothing. He slumps forwards, his forehead pressed to Joe’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, his voice hoarse.

“What?” Joe says softly, pushing Nicky back once more and cupping his cheek with a hand which is slowly steadying. “Nicky, amore mio, you have nothing to apologise for. It has been a long few days, you are entitled to crack. You’ve done so well keeping strong for all of us, and now it is time to let yourself cope.”

Nicky nods shakily. “It was…a panic attack?”

“Yes. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Four years,” Nicky answers. “A new record.”

Joe leans forwards and kisses Nicky’s forehead. “You’ve been doing well.” He hesitates. “Do you…do you think it’s going to get worse again?”

“I don’t know,” Nicky answers honestly. He never knows, none of them do. It’s been four years since his last panic attack and even longer since his last serious anxiety spiral. There have been bad days, days where his hands shake too badly to hold a gun and his mind wanders the moment Joe stops touching him. But those have been single days and after a night’s sleep he’s back to his calm, caring self.

“If it does, we’ll deal with it. I’m here for you, we all are,” Joe reassures him with another kiss. “Now, shall we sleep? It’s been a long week.”

As they settle into bed, Joe wraps an arm around Nicky’s waist and presses his face into Nicky’s back. He readies himself for the inevitable nightmares, for panic attacks so intense that all Nicky can do after them is sleep.

Nicky may be the strong one, but that doesn’t mean Joe can’t be there to support him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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